| 20 Days ..... |
[Aug. 14th, 2006|12:35 am] |
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Well, it has been 20 days since my last update and hopefully I will not get as far behind any more. More updates to come, but right now sleep :) |
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| The last forever amount of time |
[Jul. 24th, 2006|12:53 pm] |
Lots of things to discuss:
*Jeolousy
*Love
*Luck
*Trying too Hard
Some people are never happy when you are. They have to find every way to put you down and make themselves feel better. The result on my end is nothing, because why should I care about another person's sin. I am not the bitter one. They are! And for that, they will be judged, but certainly not by myself.
Love is funny, because being in it and out of it can feel the same. The only thing one is sure of is that without it there is loss. I don't think I fall in and out, but more side-to-side. Every day is a new day and things are different. Personalities collide and one can never manage to dig themselves out of the crap without falling into more of it. Maybe love is that perpetual shower.
Luck is really all in the way the cookie crumbles. I have an interview on Thursday for a teaching position. TEACHING!! What am I getting myself into and why has it taken me so long to find it :P
Trying too hard is what I feel I am doing every 5 seconds. The harder I try to be the good guy I fall down and if I don't fall I am pushed. I don't get anywhere it seems, other than more trouble. What is the answer? I was told one time that sometimes people just want another to listen to them. Can someone differentiate the two instances because I can't. One second she wants me to talk and another she doesn't. Is it women or have I really just lost it. Arg!! |
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| Is it a reason? |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|10:33 pm] |
I have been thinking today about control. What we need control of, what we want control of, and what we should be trying to control...
I am not speaking of control in the strict sense of ownership, but moreso being a decision-maker in a process.
Recently I have struggled with this idea over cooking food for a party. Initially I offered total control and it seemed to be plausible it would happen. Then I took a backseat to some input which though difficult, I needed to agree to. After dealing with this letdown yet another occured. The little sense of control that I did have was later taken away as I was pushed to the side and esentially left to hold a very minor position in the process.
Things to consider:
1. This is not my event
2. I do have special interest in this event
3. The "culprit" I am no match for and never will be
4. This is a challenge!!
I don't know why such things bother me, but they do. If I had never had any sense of control, I probably would have desired none. Life is funny that way. We feel that somehow we have additional rights because we discovered something first. In some situations this is true, but many it is not the case. In most situations an idea is proposed and everyone else meddles with it until it looks nothing like your work and the result is something completely different that everyone ends up loving and you go home with 10 bucks.
So what do we need control of? We need a sense of autonomy for sure.
Update 7/24
So now I almost find commenting irrelevant so onward in life and thank God for patience! |
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| Confessions |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|07:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
While in confession this weekend I heard quite a few great things repeated at least 5 times by this little, Irish priest at the Shrine.
"Do not worry about your sins, reflect on them"
We need to be mindful when we sin to not only recognize the sin has occured, which a an aside is our societies greatest moral issue, but also relfect on our sins. We must mull over them many times and strive to do better. We need to mkae plans on how to avoid sin and develop ways to combat sins particularly challenging to ourselves. Perfection is a road of relfection and reconciliation.
"God the creator and redeemer is not a policeman"
This comment was so simple, yet real. God is a judge, not a cop. He will hold us accountable, but isn't waiting at every traffic light to slap our wrists for speeding on yellow. He gives us the rules, but does not enforce them. We have free will and he stretches his arms out to catch us when we fall. The difference between God and a judge on earth is that God is above this world is every way. He sees everything. He has no use for jury, nor policeman. He gives us the rule and says "come follow me". The reward is salvation, the punishment is hell. Such high stakes for us to care as little as we do about doing the right things as the right times i nthe right places with the right people.
This is why Saturday was so amazing to me. Beyond confession I went to mass with Lyzii. We prayed before the Blessed Sacrament together, and we meditated and held hands in a little corner of the Fransiscan Monestary gardens. This day was truly an expression our love that certainly cost under 10 dollars, unlike our previous evening extravegancies at Marcel's, a beautiful French restaurant on Penn Ave. Both said I love you in completely different ways. A smile, a hug, a kiss... how beautiful! |
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| Revelations |
[Jun. 29th, 2006|09:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
The question:
Would you respect my opinion if two people didn't make out within a relationship?
The 1st answer:
I think that is crazy and would create problems, but if it is something the other person wanted that opinio would have to be respected and it could possibly enrich the relationship.
The 2nd answer:
Why not try it?
The virtue of chastity, however, is in no way confined solely to avoiding the faults already listed. It is aimed at attaining higher and more positive goals. It is a virtue which concerns the whole personality, as regards both interior and outward behavior. (Persona Humana, 1975)
"What God wants is for all to be holy. He wants you to keep away from fornication, and each one of you know how to use the body that belongs to him in a way that is holy and honorable, not giving way to selfish lust like the pagans who do not know God. He wants nobody at all ever to sin by taking advantage of a brother in these matters. . . . We have been called by God to be holy, not to be immoral. In other words, anyone who objects is not objecting to a human authority, but to God, Who gives you His Holy Spirit."(I Thess 4:3-8; cf. Col 3:5-7; I Tim 1:10)
It is important in particular that everyone should have a high esteem for the virtue of chastity, its beauty and its power of attraction. This virtue increases the human person's dignity and enables him to love truly, disinterestedly, unselfishly and with respect for others. (Persona Humana, 1975)
With chastity is often confounded modesty, though this latter is properly but a special circumstance of chastity or rather, we might say, its complement. For modesty is the quality of delicate reserve and constraint with reference to all acts that give rise to shame, and is therefore the outpost and safeguard of chastity. (Chastity, John W. Melody)
Further updated on Jul 3 below ----|
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V
The simple answer to this question of making out is explainable in 2 sentences after 1 weekend.
1. Removing making out leads to other forms of expressing intimacy
2. Faith allows all things to be possible |
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| A look at perseverance, pain, suffering, and fatigue |
[Jun. 28th, 2006|01:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Te Deum | ] |
“The love of God is something like the sun. Those who come very close to God enjoy both the Fire of His Love and the Light of His Truth; those who refuse to come near the Heat of His Love nevertheless enjoy the Light of His Truth" (112, Life is Worth Living).
Working in a reversed fashion I am first thinking about perseverance. Only one truth exists and that truth is made possible by our trust in God. The goal of coming close to Him is a life-long challenge to all who bear the name of Christian. Even those who reject His love for their own personal desires feel the emptiness of doing so. It is easy to avoid seeing this truth however when we consistently reject His love. How can we feel bad about something we do every day? The answer is we do it all the time. Does it make sense to hate what he do when we always do it? The answer is yes!
Many do not like the way they live, but do so little to change it. If you consistently assault the virtue of chastity, yet tell your girlfriend or boyfriend that you love them to whom are you lying? Yourself, your partner, and to God Himself. God knows the truth and He knows you are aware of your own sinfulness. Pleasure overrides sacrifice so often in our society, many don't know how to live any other way.
"Suffering is transcended through love. Pain without love is suffering or hell. Suffering with love is sacrifice" (133, Life is Worth Living).
As always I manage to get on the topic of sacrifice through suffering. It is such a central theme to Catholicism it must be drilled into our hearts daily. To elevate above suffering one must love above and beyond that which they feel they are capable. It means giving everything you need to, instead of everything you want to. Think of when you fall down and cut your knee. Let’s say you went home and complained about your pain to everyone in your family and made them participate in your suffering. Nothing is to be gained by such an action. In fact, it is a selfish action on your part to act such a way. The only opportunity for holiness here is on your family’s part; they can offer up the inconvenience of listening to you for the greater Glory of God. The better thing to do is offer the pain you currently feel up in prayer and allow your family to support, not dread, your recovery.
Now maybe one understands; God is going to love me, show me truth, and allow for suffering plus love to equal sacrifice.
So what!! It is still unclear how to find meaning in life even with the tools to grow in faith. It is quite possible to pray daily for hours and not understand God's plan for you. This is because it is a constant journey and maybe we are a little tired.
"The intellect gives us the target, and the will shoots the arrow...There are two general reasons why people are fatigued mentally. First, because they have no targets; second, because they have too many targets" (146, Life is Worth Living).
This is certainly one of the most brilliant comments by Bishop Sheen in the section of his dialogue on fatigue. Let’s assume we have the targets of life. We did all of our prayers and we researched all of the Church doctrine we need to be good little Catholics. What more is there to learn? A lot!
Growing weary of the journey happens so often. We begin on our journey in one direction and then we see an opportunity so we drop everything and pursue that. Then after another couple months we find another truth that seems to work for a little while so we follow that. Then a year later you drift further and yet are even more passionate. Finally one day you just fall down. You get on your knees and wonder where you are and why you are there? You avoid asking these questions before you are in desolation and it seems too late.
Another thing that commonly happens is we have no target at all. We run through life analyzing, evaluating, and testing every target we can, but never settle on anything. This is seen in the girl looking for the man on the white horse and the college grad searching for the instant career path. It is also viewable in the depressed teen and the hopeless 30-something-year-old. How long can one sit there wondering what the best choice is when they never actually try something? A lifetime! Some people actually succeed in spending their entire lives searching for the best choices and in the end they never get to exercise any of their answers. They are too old and weary by the end of the journey to care about experiencing anything.
All of this seems so depressing, but there is hope. Finding targets is only one part of the equation. The "will shoots the arrow" remember. To make decisions and remain refreshed we must will choices to be made. People don't wake up and eat breakfast automatically. They feel hunger and the respond by the action of eating. Suppose one feels the need to stop drinking to excess. The response is to avoid the occasion of binge drinking by choosing non-alcoholic beverages, limiting consumption of alcohol, selecting parties that are conducive to responsible drinking, and surrounding you with friends who are life-minded. Who really does this? The virtuous ones! You make a conscious choice to change. You will that change to occur, and through prayer and perseverance pain is avoided and the suffering of making new friends and missing some parties are transcended by love into sacrifice. This is how real targets are willed into reality and fantastic futures and lives are made. |
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| Yet another week in the life |
[Jun. 18th, 2006|08:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Da Room | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Seasons of Love | ] |
This past week went far too slowly, yet very easily. I don't think I am teaching the guys very much, but I don't know what the strategy is supposed to be for sanity when I was working till 2 AM. I am supposedly also having a meeting on Tuesday which is probably going to be boring and irritating, but hopefully the reason for the meeting is related to transition teams and nto so much about leave slips. James is back on his feet and running good again and he is actually OK with going back to work. Ken is his usual self lying about everything and not doing chores right. Lindon is a wreck and it is so sad to see him unable to do for himself when he prided himself on that for so long.
Finally the weekend came however and so short it seemed. I get to Lyzii's on Friday and I turn over and I am hugging her for ten minutes saying goodbye. I know we both hate leaving eachother knowing we won't see eachother for another 5 days. This week luckily for her birthday I found coverage so I could visit. I really wonder how long she will put up with it before she gets bored with me, but then I realize she isn't that kind of girl and for the first time I can trust the word love from a girl.
Lyzii as usual was wonderful. We went out to see Scythian with Anthony, Jimmy, and Eric L Friday night and that was wonderful all around. Yes! Parking and cell phones could have ruined it, but Lyzii knew just what to do and it worked out perfect. Saturday we were really lazy and bummed around, I cooked a little, and then we went to Erin Curran's B-Day party which was full of some bump-on-a-loggers, bball, darts, and cake. The cake was good as well as some of the company. Yay Erin!! I am told I am a genious dart player :P Saturday night we made an attempt at Bridge and had drinks where the following numbers proved hillarious .19, .07-.06, and .05!
Sunday was full of Mass and Father's Day. When I got home I had driven 250 miles this weekend and all could do was drop my jaw. Going back in reverse Mass was awesome and it was great for Lyzii to finally meet almost all of my family. This was yet to happen and I was quite pleased that she came along. I set all the steaks on fire and most people were too busy with babies to bother us :P Overall it was great to see all the kids and mama and the old pops. It all wrapped up with a simple, yet beautiful nap and a ride to kingdom come to get back to work and get er done.
I really must comment on the changes to the mass, but I don't want to get myself in trouble. All I am going to say is :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2006|11:51 pm] |
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Chastity is the purity of spirit and heart. Mutual chastity is love. |
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| The Evolution of Language |
[Jun. 7th, 2006|03:38 pm] |
Two new phrases have come out of my mouth that are so embarrasing that they are worth repeating:
"hello, good, you" - Used when saying hello when in a rush. Eye contact necessary. Fast, efficient, crazy!
"I so, shoulda, can" - Used as both a personal recommendation and action all in one. Confidence ensuring and insured, though sanity not so fortunate :)
Well that is about all I can say for now. I wonder if these would have helepd in defusing the fight at the hosue last night that ended in threats of stabbing....hmmmm where is my lizard when I need her *tear* <3 |
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| Sunday Sunday |
[Jun. 4th, 2006|12:22 pm] |
First backing up...Friday we went to Alan's African party and it was pretty fun. Good food and great talks with Pat, Eric, and Caitlin. Very interesting ;P
So today is Pentecost Sunday and it has been very exciting so far. Anthony and I went to Mary of the Mills again and the music was great, the prayer was even better; the reading would have been the best if not for receiving communion after Anthony helping to get a priest's attention right before Mass so that I could go to confession. I feel so bad all the time because I haven’t been maintaining the prayer-life I once had. I need to find a way to get back to Mass every day and pray every night. I mean, I pray with Lyzii every night and it is great, but I need to do more. I need to pray the rosary, I need to pray evening and night prayer, and I really need adoration. I need all of these things for myself first and Lyzii second. I need to be on fire for her as she has held me together so brilliantly in the past. Which I suppose gets to the fact that it is really hard right now with her not here. We went out yesterday and partied it up and I just felt something lacking the whole time though I enjoyed myself. I felt lonely and I know why. I rely on Lyzii to keep me strong in so many ways. It is weird because I remember having to depend on myself in so many ways and it seems that I have transferred some of that responsibility onto her. Not that it is her job, but it is easier to be good and do what I should when she is around. This is something both powerful and dangerous. I love the fact that I can have her there for me in that way, but at the same time I need to build back up the desire to be good for me instead of doing it for her. I need to do it for me; I want to do it for her.
I really hope she is having a great time in Italy. I am so worried that she will worry about me as much as I am worrying about her right now. I want her time to be relaxing, prayerful, and bonding. I also hope that I can do that myself as well. I will be here when she gets back and we will both be ecstatic to see each other, this I know. That is enough to make it all good.
Work continues to be stressful and I am trying to discover what I am supposed to be doing. Should I work for three months and then leave, should I look for promotion, should I stick it out a year, or should I get out now??? Of course Lyzii complicates all of this because I am so optimistic as to our future. If things keep as they are going I will have to be in a position to support and love her 100% every day of my life and that sounds like a great plan, but it does mean I need to be ready. Ready spiritually, physically, emotionally, and economically. I know I am getting there, but there is no way I could think about a wedding and this insane job at the same time. I am sure I can figure it all out when the time comes, but pre-emptive contemplation is my specialty. I know God will be there for me when I cross that road.
On a different note, my summer details are working out and it looks like I will be going to lots of fun parties, a little getaway with Lyzii, and a part of a wedding for one of my best friends. I just hope that stupid work doesn't interfere. It could strongly affect my desire to continue working with Melwood for long. Love the organization, but the demands are quite difficult to handle because I want to work to live instead of living to work.
All in all everything is good. I am much happier than I ever thought possible and things keep getting better. Four months.....craziness :) xoxoxo
PS> I really need to get out of the country!! Mayhaps Scotland :) |
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| Weekend Updates |
[May. 28th, 2006|09:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "I Can't Unlove You" | ] |
This weekend was good. I can't say great because something about Lyzii not being around depressed me now and again. I don't know though. Anthony and I had lots of bonding times and I said multiple times "Though I miss, her is it good to get a break and just chill", but I don't think that I believe what I was saying. I enjoyed Anthony's company. I missed Lyzii more. The only reasoning I can find to explain this is that I love her. This is not too shocking to me; I am more shocked that she loves me back. When I don't talk to her or we don't spend time together I feel it in my whole body. Something is missing and she fills that void like no one else is capable.
I feel the need to go further on this because there are many gaps in our hearts and Christ fills us completely. However God made a space in our hearts that is meant to be filled by the ones we love. Some take this gift and return to the Lord in the sacrament of Holy Orders. Others such as me seek Marriage. So our hearts are filled by the one who holds us close and prays with and for us.
To the topic of opportunity:
a possibility due to a favorable combination of circumstances
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
an uncertain event with a positive probable consequence; related to risk
www.mc2consulting.com/riskdef.htm
In our lives we have multiple opportunities that may result in good, evil, advance, retract, promote, demote, include, exclude, embrace, repulse...
The greatest difficult is determining which opportunities to take and what their result will be. Opportunity is defined positively. A probable positive result is expected. The issue is figuring out if the probability is 50%, 82%, 99%.
Suppose we take an opportunity and it fails, but we end up better people because of it. To the other side of the spectrum; suppose we succeed when taking an opportunity, but it ends up a failure in the long-run. Did we really take an opportunity that was risk-worthy? This is the greatest downfall of man and woman for it relates directly to sin.
Sin is not God. I have seen situations where people take the easy route to avoid risk and thus opportunity. I have also seen constant opportunity seeking and an inability to commit. Finally, I have witnessed a prayerful disposition seeking to find that which God would find most approving. This is the path that I feel has been taken in my life in relation to Lyzii.
Before I have jumped around and others have jumped around on me. I can't handle avoiding risk and I can't believe taking it perpetually. What I asked for was a chance... what I got was a chance... what I gave was my heart... what I got I still can't believe. Opportunities are around us always. It is the mutual choices that bring us all together. The bitter and unhappy are the ones who do not have love, because love as St. Paul says does not seek its own interests and is not quick-tempered. The fickle and frightened are bound to be alone. Consolation is found in sacrifice. |
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| An Update!! |
[May. 26th, 2006|10:07 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | The Bedroom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nothing because I am supposed to be working | ] |
Nmbr1LuverMan: but really, I just want to know what is happening. I would love to celebrate with Jess, but if plans are brewing on Saturday that really doesn't work for me with my sucky scheduling and limited availability to have a life...which I suppose is why I am considering applying for a new job (hopefully within Melwood) after my 6 mo. probation is over
albachiara19: yeah that's not fun having so little time to yourself
albachiara19: but I thought you had your weekends completely free
Nmbr1LuverMan: yeah, but what consolation is that when you are too exhausted to enjoy them. basically the past two months I have ignored total inability to function and gave every ounce of energy into staying up and actively participating in Lyzii's life and trying to do all the little things I can to make her feel special just so I can get a taste of what real freedom is like and express to her my true desire to be close to her when my head really just wants to fall on the ground and die for 8 hours
Nmbr1LuverMan: (abbreviated edition)
Life is still going. I get my $2000 of $5000 bonus today and that would be exciting if I had a life :( Anyway, no reason to be depressed because I have a great Euchre evening tonight and much more fun to come. Loving on my people and falling for the one. It's what I do I suppose.
Coming soon I must discuss a thought-provoking question, but I need to question what that question should be before saying any more. I think defining the word 'opportunity' could prove quite amazing (Lyzii's word, right next to exciting) |
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| Monday Monday |
[May. 1st, 2006|12:49 pm] |
A short, but great weekend! Inivitations to the opera, bro is buying a car, 102 hours or work, and the same old girl with the same new surprises...a skirt!! Yep, interesting little me could have the effect. She looks good in it anyway, so when you got the legs why not show them (in moderation of course). Ate some mango and had breakfast together. The beauty is in the little things and I'll point them out until she notices too. Not too many things to ponder other than electronic stability control for cars. This new tech boasts to apply brakes in loss of control situations while driving to virtually eliminate single person accidents (assuming you are awake, have the reflexes, and don't panic). It was pretty facinating to see a vehicle that would activate brakes based upon the skid. I am a fan.
As to faith, I am still convinced it is based on how well we love as this weeks homily suggests. It is hard to love those we dislike, but how well do we love those whom we should/want to? I like to think I try every day to make myself a bettter person for my future spouse and to enrich others lives as much as possible, especially the Lizard's. We shall see, more drama in the AM on the work side :-P |
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| Wild Weekend and Dreaming |
[Apr. 23rd, 2006|11:12 pm] |
This weekend was a bit different than usual because it didn't involve very much of Lyzii. The interesting thing was that the time I did get to spend with her, I was supposed to be working. The thing is I have been dreaming recently about work and have difficulty seperating what actually happened. I thought Eric (my W/E staff person) told me that I could come back around 7 pm on Sunday and that would be fine. Well.....he called around 5:30 asking where I was, and I happened to be at dinner with said beautiful girl. So we hastened through the meal and I tried to make her do the Ewok face before having to run back to work (failed attempt). I got back and Sylvia gave me a nasty face (though I don't think she don't have any other face). I ignored it and then proceded with my normal evening schedule. Everyone seemed to get their chores done and no behaviors were reported. I am beginning to think that I am the only one really documenting anything. Alas I am calm with my office re-arranged maximizing space and the medications moved such that I feel we have a dining area. Ken was trying to meet Lyzii on Tuesday at the Baysox game, but such things are probably not possible since the drive to get her would be questioned by Property Mgmt. for shizzle.
Anyway, the actual weekend consisted of Anthony and I spending large sums on booze and smokes and then doing very little of either and loving it anyway. We got in some quality talking time and analyzed the feasability of transporting pennies. In the end I picked Lyzii from the Airport, things transpired as mentioned above, and it all ended perfectly with a kiss :) :)
Lots of love to all my peeps and please God not another 77.5 hour week *praying*
Edited for readability :P |
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| Just another day |
[Apr. 18th, 2006|07:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Blake Shelton "Nobody But Me & Montgomery Gentry "She Don' | ] |
OK so today was interesting to say the least in the life of me and so little of it was job related. This morning I got an e-mail with Melwood Employee deals on Laptops. I looked at them and then bought one. Yes, that is correct!!! I bought one despite all logic and proper judgment. I am still OK with the decision, but I probably will have to change such random impulsiveness when I grow up :P I also went to my physcial appointment today, or at least tried to. I showed up 10 minutes late and they refused to see me. when I tried to reschedule they were trying to make me wait another month so I left and refused further services. I went to the main office to try my luck, but they no longer take patients over 21 so that means something important. I need to choose a new primary care doctor. This is bound to be a difficult thing, but I don't knwo beyond a good recond what I need to look for. It is not like I have OBGYN issue where one must REALLY trust the person cuz come on... what are they gonna do for one cough :) Anyway it all got me worked up, but after some good tacos and a surprise talk from Lyzii I shall be just fine. (BTW she called before, but I still credit her with my jovial mood since we talked about maybe meeting up Thursday :)
I suppose the rest of my life I can discuss too. James has become very interested in Mass and Adoration which is cool cuz I SOOOORTA like it too. This weeked Lyzii will be out of town so I will be trying to visit Catherine and/or Anthony with my free time though i jsut discovered I have coverage on Saturday 9-4 so hey extra money :) On the issue of Lyzii things continue to go great. I trust everythign about her and pray for her constantly. Though she has been struggling with things recently I enjoy being there for her and know deep in both of our hearts everything is goign to work out perfectly.
John 14:6-7 Jesus said to him, "I am the way and the truth 5 and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, then you will also know my Father. 6 From now on you do know him and have seen him." |
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| A little updating |
[Apr. 9th, 2006|06:22 pm] |
Sooooo yeah. Last week I worked 67 hours and it was great. I lvoe the job even thouhg it demands so much of me and as I said today "I want to go to work, but I don't want to leave you". It is quite a struggle to work my way into this working thing. I really miss seeing Lyzii as much as I used to and I end up staying up all night talking with her when I do get the chance to spend time with her, thus leaving me exhausted and needing sleep. I truly don't mind because a little exhaustion wil always be worth a few more moments. The only upsetting parts of the weekend involved prayer and next weekends plans. I got myself all worked up for no reason, but after talking about things with Lyzii over lunch on Sunday it worked out just great :) Prayer was frustrating because I basicalyl didn't do it. I waited until it was too late at night to start and Lyzi iand I ended up too exhausted to do anything... I will try harder!! Mass was a little wierd starting out with holding up palms, which I usually didn't even get until after Mass, and then sprinkling of the water, which Fr. said was about blessing the palms though I thought it was baptism related. Ah well. The love word sure does weigh down on the mind and heart. So close to feeling that I should say it, but knowing I can't. It might seem frustrating to not say it, but it is so much better to want to say it so much more every day. I am such a freak :) :)
Ok well it is time to go grocery shopping with James :O |
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| Lady Terps n' Love |
[Apr. 2nd, 2006|09:37 pm] |
81-70 Enough said. Terps are going to the big dance.
After the EC and a long night of conversation and closeness I have new contemplation on love. Love does four things: confirms, convicts, conforms, and commisions. The unanswered question is: How?
How do we love ourselves and others? It is most important (to me at least) to realize the nature of love in order to be capable of it. God gave us all the charge to love. Our ability to do so is limited by our earthly desires and restrictions. We close ourselves up so readily to love for many reasons. The only way to move beyond this is to trust God. We must completely submit ourselves to his will so that he can transform us into the loving beings that we are. We all deserve to be loved and have only to ask and we shall receive.
Love of those who are not God is the most difficult thing to do. It involves trusting completely in a person who isn't perfect. One has to love without knowing if it will last until tomorrow. The future is full of uncertainty. The point I am making is that we have a choice here; We can be afraid and never trust or we can hope love will endure and take the risk of the reality it may not always be perfect or work out the way we like.
My conversation last night came to one point; Despite the hurts of the past and the challenges of the future one thing is certain, YES we want to love! "Amid this multiplicity of meanings, however, one in particular stands out: love between man and woman, where body and soul are inseparably joined and human beings glimpse an apparently irresistible promise of happiness" (Deus Caritas Est). So what love do we desire, agape foremost.
Life is going as usual. I work all week and I spend my free time on the weekends with the most beautiful girl I know. I spend a little time with Antohony on occasion and it all ends up charging me to make it through another week. Now I understand the challenges of my position and hope to continue pressing onward. Lots of other things happening and she knows it all :P
Peace to the lizard :) |
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| A Long Time Waiting |
[Mar. 23rd, 2006|09:44 am] |
Updating has not been easy with all the work I have to do, but I figured a nice Thursday morning would be a good time. My residents are pretty cool. I enjoy working with them a lot although they can be a pain when it comes to cleaning up after them and for the home. I am learning many strategies to work with each one of them and it is great. The paperwork of course is my major concern because the previous guy basically threw 3 months worth of stuff in a folder and expected me to know what everything was and where it is to be filed. Given such a situation I just created a new system (except for company organization things) and called it a day. I stay up regular until 2 am because of all the work, but I hope by next week I will be done with the adjustments and ready for doing my job. Starting April 1, I will be in full control of the home as a manager and all the fun paperwork will be my responsibility. So that is my work situation.
The other love of my life, the lizard, is doing equally fantastic. I feel terrible every night however because I have such a great desire to speak with her and laugh, but recently I simply have not had the energy. I know this will change in a week or so, but it hurts a lot to feel like I am neglecting someone who I arguably care about more than myself. Maybe that is what love is supposed to feel like, but I guess I will not know until I am in it :)
My first paycheck is coming tomorrow and how exciting. I will be giving all of it to my Dad, cry for about 30 seconds, and then move on in life. Praise God for 3 weeks from now when I get my first full check and I can by myself a toy: P
xoxoxo para mi amor
P.S. 7 months until my B-Day and 11 days until... |
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| 1st Real Day of Work |
[Mar. 14th, 2006|11:59 pm] |
Today I had a meeting with Dave about medical appointments and then went over to the house for a shift. The whole xperience was great!! I got ot know the guys, see their tendencies, and just fooled around a bit. I am looking forward to being in charge of everything and am now 100% confident I made the right decision to take on this job. I also got some quality time with Jesus in today since I had a little spiritual trouble this morning. After work I called Lyzii and that was equally exciting. I was so happy to talk to her about my day and life in general. It made me think of the possibility of an amazing future with her, but we shall let God take care of that *heart*
Offering prayers up for a couple special intentions :) |
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